My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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