We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
