i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
