So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
