Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
