He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
