Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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