is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
