She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
