I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
