No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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