What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I know her cup size but not her name....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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