Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
