i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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