U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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