I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
