I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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