So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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