I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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