I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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