I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
