do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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