That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
