all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
