She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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