Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
