What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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