Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
