we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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