I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
