Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
