Midget sex pt 2 tonight
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
