I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
