hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
