Can i not drive my cunt home
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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