you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
