I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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