New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
