my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't deserve a penis
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
