We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
