i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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