is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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