i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
