She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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