I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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