I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
