Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
