I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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