The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
