i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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