She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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