just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
