Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Floor bacon is actually really good
A+ Viking dick
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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