capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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