yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
