how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I think I won the penis lottery.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
