lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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