Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Vodka?
Forever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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