hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
