I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
