Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
