Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
