I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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