I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
