They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize