My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
