I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
