I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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