dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
