We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
