I cockslap morals
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up under a house in Key West
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
