It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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