How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
