Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
