I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
