Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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