There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize
