Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
