i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
