I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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