I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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