dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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