I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
