First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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