that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
