Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Pooping to opera.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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