Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
