Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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