Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
