my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
