Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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