you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
