man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
