all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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