he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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