I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
