"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
