i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
