why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
